Second Meeting and Assignment

Hello, hello, hello…Tim Doom (“T. D. Tim Doom”) is back with a vengeance.

I was out of the Internet world for a spell while on my Veronica Mars Marathon, which was awesome and has to be one of the Top 10 best TV shows ever made (more on that later).  I’m currently taking a break between watching episodes of Season 3, since I figure I haven’t been blogging for days and it would be such terrible form if I kept my proteges just hanging without giving them my rundown of their work.

Wow man, Viola is VIOLENT.  Not only does she love to curse my name (I love it when people take the name “T. D. Tim Doom” in vain), but she also DOESN’T SAVE CATS!!

I was particularly pleased with Annie O’Mus’ contribution.  As they say, any press is good press.  And I’m thrilled that they are using their aggression as inspiration to make good art.

In other updates, I’m a little disappointed that #ds106slience has not caught on yet.  THEREFORE the official Assignment 2 will be to make a 20 to 30 second audio clip that captures the essence of ds106silence.  Please post this on your blog no later than 6 pm by Thursday, April 14 at 6 pm. I am giving you these two extra days so we can discuss the ins and outs of audio at our meeting on Tuesday, since you may not be familiar with it.  Tag it “ds106silence4life” and remember, NO QUOTES. And don’t forget to tweet that you blogged!

I’ve also heard rumors that Jim Groom wants me on his new TV station and has apparently “let me have it” in a tirade.  I accept your challenge, Jim Groom and my people (i.e. blogdog after he gets over his hangover after partying it up in Ibiza and reading my response postcard and writing back another one) will be in touch.  Annie O’Mus and Viola Violent will be required to attend too.  It’ll be their Assignment 4.

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First Official Assignment

For the first official assignment, I’m asking my faithful followers to create an origin story using some sort of visual media. As they say, a picture’s worth a thousand words. The best way for me to help you forget your past is to give me all of the necessary information I’ll need out in the open. You don’t have to create the story of your origin, necessarily, but it should be the origin of one of the elements of your past that you’re trying to forget. Please post this story on your blog no later than 6 p.m. Tuesday (so it should be up before our next meeting) and tag it “originstory.” (No quotes).

THIS WILL NOT BE EASY. The past is a monster and you’re about to unleash it in all of its fury, but you know what’s at stake if you neglect to do this (and all of the following) assignment. Annie, Viola, you’ve been warned. The more people you get to participate in this with you, the more pleased I’ll be with the final results. You don’t want to make me angry. No one wants to see Tim Doom angry.

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The First DS106 Meeting

The first Divine Support meeting went better than I could have ever imagined. We had a great turn out, though I don’t anticipate many of them returning next week, due to how intensive the group is. I let them know up front that this group might seem fun, and it is, but it’s more than that. They’re going to need to give their souls to Divine Support to truly reap the benefits it can offer.

There were only two students who actually seemed up for the challenge of deleting their pasts, just as I suspected. I can’t say too much, but Annie O’Mus and Viola Violent will play integral roles in the future of DS106, little do they know. Their first assignment is to create group blogs so we can conduct most of our communication and therapy via the web. I also made sure they got on Twitter.

Hopefully by next week only those serious about moving forward into the world with new identities, like I suspect those two are, will remain. I don’t have time for anything less.

My DS106 wish list:

  • Being able to keep tabs on members 24/7 would be a great (and necessary) way to ensure that the therapeutic processes of DS106 are working. I plan to achieve this by requiring Annie and Viola (err–whoever comes back next week) to blog and Tweet regularly.
  • Integrating tracking devices into this group effectively is also something I hope will happen. Many people today don’t view inserting microchips beneath another human being’s skin as a means to monitor their every move as a legitimate/”legal” way to conduct group therapy, but DS106 is all about pushing the boundaries of the law. You can’t put a copyright on yourself–we all need to remain connected. What’s wrong with sacrificing a little autonomy in the name of constant interconnectedness through the web?
  • I also really want a new yacht and I know just the people to pay for it…
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Who is Tim Doom?

I’ve been thinking a lot about my cyber-identity lately. Sometimes I worry that no one out there knows the real Tim Doom. You think you do because you follow this blog or read my tweets, but you have no idea. You only know the parts of my persona that I expose you to. Everyone knows the Monsignor, but it’s easy to forget about Tim Doom. In a lot of ways, creating a cyber version of yourself is a lot like leading a double life or having a secret, superhero (or villain) identity. Sometimes Tim Doom and the Monsignor seem just like Bruce Wayne and Batman. I worry that I’m losing parts of myself to the web.

I guess I’ve just been feeling down lately because of the distance growing between me and EDUPUNK, but things should be getting better any day now. DS106 is meeting for the first time on Tuesday and I couldn’t be more excited. That will be the perfect place to get out all of these feelings of uncertainty I have surrounding this apparent double-life of mine.

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Rebecca Black > EDUPUNK?

Today’s To-Do List: Essay Done. I am Thursday’s Child.

I know EDUPUNK and I just recently got together, but I have to say I am in love with Rebecca Black.  Not a creepy “I wanna be with you forever” love because I find her just adorable and whatever. No. My love for Rebecca is a love of music that spans the vastness of the Internet.  I am literally fascinated by her. In a completely non-creepy respectful-of-the-music-she-puts-her-name-to way.

The first time I heard her now world famous (dare I say infamous?) song, I felt like I was watching a shiny bubblegum colored demon slowly suck away my soul while its best demon friend burned a hole in the integrity of the Internet and my hope for whatever the generation it is after the age of my students now, Generation Y. But hours later, when I was planning stuff for the first Divine Support Chapter 106 meeting on Tuesday, I couldn’t stop the song from playing and replaying over and over and over and over and over and over in my head.

That’s when I listened to it again. And again. And again.

Twenty hours later and 1,000+ listens and dances around the room, I eventually had to sit down and stop listening to it so I could finish this blog entry. But I didn’t want to. I had to. But it made me so sad. Unfortunately, it was either sit down unhappily without the song on and try to write, or pass out for about a day and a half.

So far, today I’ve listened to it 51, now 52 times. There’s something magical about this song that makes me want to listen to it on repeat at practically every moment and definitely every Thursday night and Friday. There’s something about this song that is so great and so now that even though I love her (my secondary love, Lady Gaga) with all my heart and soul that doesn’t belong to EDUPUNK or now Rebecca Black, Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” just lacks that “oomph.” Wow. “Oomph” is actually a word. (Thanks Spellcheck!)

Why Rebecca Black is great:
-She advocates for breakfast (cereal). Too many young people (myself included) skip it these days.
-She doesn’t ask me to put my hands up in this song. Too many songs these days ask me to do it. I’m looking at you K-dolla sign-ha and Usher.
-She doesn’t do a ridiculous dance that I need to memorize when I hear the song. This allows me to continue the whole DIY-thing she’s got going on and make up my own.
-She gets her friend back (the one on the left) by not mentioning her in the song–BEST REVENGE EVER. Shows you to just not mention the haters. It gives you so much more class.
-I love her tone when she repeats “fun fun fun fun.” She’s understated. She’s not like “OMFG WE’RE GONNA HAVE FUN Y’ALL. WE GONNA GET SO DRUUUUNNNK” but “yeah, we’re gonna have fun :).”
-“Kicking in the front seat / sitting in the back seat / which seat can I take?” is the story of my life.

Even though the rap is the most unnecessary addition to the song (I heard there is a version out there without the producer, who fans and haters alike refer to as “Fat Usher”), I love the “R. B. Rebecca Black” part.  It makes me wish I could have a viral video, or just a posse of people who could refer to me as “T. D. Tim Doom” (besides blogdog, of course).

“T. D. Tim Doom.”  Do you think that will catch on?

Now time to dress in my finest clothes and get ready for Friday!!! I can’t wait!!! I be I be so excited!!!

Girl in flower costume

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How The World Will REALLY End

Some say the world will end in fire.  Some say it will end with ice.  Others argue that it’s a toss up between a malicious alien invasion and an pandemic of bone crunching zombies.

Some say we are nearing the end of days.  Some say the dawn is rising on a new age of technology.

Whatever they say is a lie.  I can bet you many I-O-U’s that the world will end with fairies.

Just think about it.

Group of Fairies at Rehearsal

Beware they who may be dressed in white

Remember the old dude has a scythe

Legit fairy lore from The Ballad of Tom, or an Example of those Who Tampered with Fairy Affairs

In the lore that we have seen, read, and burned, fairies are demonic creatures that like to steal our babies right out from under our noses and replace them with their own in human forms.  They like to play tricks on us because they don’t play by the same rules we do and about 99.560% of the time, they are nature spirits that are embodied with the presence of the Earth.  A big question to consider is have we been treating the Earth properly these days?  The answer is, sadly, no.

We’ve been expanding and ripping up green small animal and unknown fairy sanctuaries to put in a new subdivision or just an innocent park bench.  But let’s keep one thing straight people, park benches are never innocent.  They bring trash that the stupider fairies (because, let’s face it, although fairies are indeed a superior race, they have their own share of those who swim at the shallow end of the fairy gene pool and they always have their slightly too-clumsy-to-function third cousins five-times-removed, gnomes, tagging along) who mistake Cheetos bags for moon glitter and unfortunately eat it, choke, and die. Have you ever seen a fairy eat it, choke, and die?  I haven’t, but I’ve heard it’s something awful.  I’ve been told by blogdog that even a rousing chorus of “I believe in fairies!!!” (like I learned from watching Tinkerbell die in a live production of Peter Pan) will not help a choking fairy breathe again.

But moving on, do you remember that haven of weeds in your backyard that you pulled up because it had a dandelion in it?  Well that danger zone of dandelions also happened to be a clover patch and now the little baby newborn sprites that live in your backyard will go hungry this spring because their parents will have to walk farther to the next clover patch three houses down the street.  Remember: a foot for you is a day’s journey for them.  That means it will take about 3 weeks for them to get there and back and in the meantime, they’ll be suffering from malnutrition from eating your pachysandra.  Whenever we see a circle of mushrooms in our front lawns, the first thing we do is run out with the mushroom killer instead of letting the mushrooms go their course and be the fairy circle or portal they were meant to be.  What if some important fairy was about to cross over and unknowingly you split them in half because the portal on our side was too weak to support their transition because you’re in the process of eradicating it from your otherwise spectacular front lawn?  What if the world just gets tired of us and our 6.whatever-you-get-the-point expanding billion ever-growing web friends?  What if nature started fighting back from all the hate crimes of poison sprays, mowers, weed whackers, cement blocks, blacktops, Metro stations, and buildings we’ve carved into its surface?

Before:
[General view, Bettws-y-Coed (i.e. Betws), Wales] (LOC)

After:
Island Homes Subdivision and the Fairbanks Pipe Yard, the Storage Point for More Than 200 Miles of 48-Inch Pipe. View North near Mile 445 08/1973

Ponder this for more than a second.

The ancients used to see magic everywhere and were constantly being tricked by the little green fairy men and women.  They made them go on pointless quests like Sir Gawain that we have been tortured with in our English classes when we should be reading proper fairy lore like Neil Gaiman’s Stardust or Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Although we don’t see magic in the world as much as they did back then, what if nature just decided that enough was enough and decided to send its army in the form of fairies and their allies (some or most possibly invisible) after us?  How would we fight it?  How would we fight invisible fairies?!

My point is we wouldn’t.  We’d be screwed.

So in short, the next time you argue that we should be stocking up for an all-out war against our former homies-turned decomposing slobbering corpses or that I should be on the look out for saucers in the sky, please keep in mind that what eventually destroys “life as we know it” may not be something engineered, leaked, and spread, or even extraterrestrial.  But something natural that hides in the bushes of your backyard.

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A Tribute to the Overseas Dog

Study of a small girl with a prize Scottish terrier dog, c. 1935 / by Sam Hood

Today I heard some terrible news that also might be great depending on how you look at it.  My assistant and BFF Jimmy DeMarco has left his job as Assistant-to-the-Assistant of Technology Infiltration and has decided to go on a spiritual quest to his ancestors’ homelands.  Over the weekend, he won the Mega Millions jackpot (shh…don’t tell anybody) and now he has decided to sell all of his prized possessions and throw caution to the wind, and become a spiritual traveler.  It is a bold move, and I am not 100% behind his whole new hippie outlook on life–not to mention who is going to get me my daily afternoon blue raspberry Big Gulp and steak fajita burrito from Qdoba?!  But I’m very down with his new quest for wonder and exploration that he’s about to embark on, especially since blogdog has pinky promised me TWICE to send me lots of souvenirs and post cards from all his adventures AND train my new assistant.  blogdog represents to me in everything he does in his work and life, as a colleague, a personal servant, and a friend, and those boundaries are very much blurred when it comes to the good dog, as a rock to place all of my ideas on. He’s an amazing guy (I mean, he is my BFF, why wouldn’t he be?) who has the rare ability to live his life authentically without having the negative stereotypes of being a hardass gangsta, what’s more he tolerates no bullshit since he is DA SHIT, and for me truly embodies the reality that these web-based connections are anything but fragile (because let’s remember that just because you can friend someone, you can always delete and block the connection).

blogdog has promised me that his first stop (after Amsterdam of course) will be Ibiza.  So I’ve made a playlist of party songs, accordingly so that he listen to them on the plane ride over and be ready to parrrrtay from the moment he leaves the plane.  Since I am poor and usually do not have the luck to stumble upon free money easily, I have only linked to their YouTube links, but they should do the trick.

“Friday”-Rebecca Black

“Get Low”-Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz

“Boom Boom Boom Boom!!”-Vengaboys

“No Matta What (Party All Night Long)”-Toya

“Lollipop”-Lil Wayne

“Fuck Him (He’s A DJ)”-K-dolla sign-ha

“ET”-Katy Perry feat. Kanye West

“Till The World Ends”-Britney Spears

“Born This Way”-Lady Gaga

“Love Lockdown (Remix)”-Kanye West & LMFAO

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